It was a release.
There was disorder in my dining room; spaghetti on the floor, two many voices calling my name, the phone ringing non-stop, a pounding headache presenting itself at my temples. It seemed like for that short minute, an eternity of crazy was occurring and I felt like I was losing myself in that whirlpool. My body was tense. Those old feelings started crawling up my skin. My fists balled up, nails digging into my palm to feel some welcoming pain. I closed my eyes because moments like these require blindness.
I cried out to God. In my head, I shouted as loud as I could and then something told me to open my eyes and look up.
All I saw was my two-year-old's face, staring back at me. In shame I looked down, but when I looked up again that precious smile greeted me and I laughed. We laughed...
...and I let go.
Sweet, beautiful chaos.
I found Him. It was calm, fun and loving, that brief little second or two. It felt so nice to get a response. It felt very good to know He doesn't just up and leave. He stood and waited for me to call...and He answered.
I still have a headache, but nothing two aspirin won't cure.