Sometimes it's good to say things more than once, so...
I, Ivy, need saving.
Everyday, I need to be saved.
Because if I didn't believe that, feel that, know it, then I wouldn't need a savior, want one.
And I want Jesus.
My soul needs dusting sometimes. Other times it needs a major clean-up. I don't mean to be so messy, but life just trods through with muddy boots and though I attempt to clean the mess, the footprints stay embedded, reminding me constantly of those dirty moments, those muddy walks I took. My mess, my past is overwhelming. There's no way I can clean up a mess like that. I was never made for these circumstances.
And you should see me when I'm in a mess. I'm not happy. I'm pacing back and forth. I'm looking for ways to make this easy. I'm planning out my escape from facing it. My mess gets messier by the minute. I find the only way to clean up this kind of mess is by walking into a confessional.
Letting God in to clean up.
He loves to dust me off, wipe the stains clean, sweep away any worries. I am brand new. Cleansed.
Think what you want. This is my way of healing and has been for the rest of my family for over two thousand years. It's the only way that healed. This life, I thought was mine to control. My destiny, my dreams. Somewhat true. But they are nothing but dust and dirt if I don't recognize that without God those wishes will have no weight. So sad, as Jesus puts it, to gain the whole world and lose your soul. For when I die, I can't take my worldly dreams with me.
And because I love love love God, nor do I want to.
So this beginning of Lent, as the ashes are placed on my forehead as I am reminded that from dust I was created and to dust I shall go, I will remember who lifted me up from dirt...
and He who will lift up this soul when this life is done.