Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Talitha Koum!

Mk 5:21-43

And as I wipe my tears over this sweet realization that Jesus also speaks to me in today's gospel, my two year old daughter is beneath my desk, putting on my slippers, saying,"Here we go mommy. That should do it."

Jesus and Naya, both revealing God's love for me. Both telling me, "Talitha koum," little girl, arise.

I have to say that I relate tremendously to today's gospel; a woman bleeding internally for years, a child gone too soon, dead to the world. But Jesus does what He does so well, rising the dead, healing internal wounds, stopping the bleeding. And as He healed both woman and child so many centuries ago, He heals this woman-child here today. Everyday.

So by faith alone can we see His miraculous hand at work.

This brings so many things together. In reflecting on the anti-religion, anti-catholic movements, videos, Facebook posts, etc, I now realize that in choosing to believe, in having faith, I can remain still. I can trust this but small wind passing through in comparison to the heaven that awaits me. Standing still, so that God can continue to inject faith in my spine. Standing still, like that tree, swaying, but never falling. Relying soley in this faith.

I've had a strong desire to fight it all, to speak my mind, to yell my objections about these issues. Yet God continues to speak softly to me, saying, “Give what is Caesar's to Caesar and what is God's to God.” And I do my best dear Father, hoping to be better each step of the way.

Jesus knows me. He knows I'm not confrontational. A general knows his soldiers, what they excel best at. My King knows what I do best. His command, "Talitha koum," is my order. Rise, and face these storms. Stand strong in this faith Our Lord has given me. Use it to ground me, to keep me facing Him. Always facing Him.

I don't know the future here on earth. Technically, I don't know the present either. So many secrets, decisions, conversations done behind closed doors. My view, my knowledge, it's so very limited, this I know. So does He. I can say this, I love God so much, I am grateful to have the opportunity to receive Him, His body and blood at every Mass. I am thankful that when I confess, Jesus speaks to me through my priest to tell me He forgives me. I hear that statement with my limited ears, my small heart and I am humbled by His merciful love. How wonderful to profess my faith in His presence, through my marriage, through my children, all gifts to me from God.

My faith is also a gift from God. I use it to tell everyone who reads, that everything I am, everything I have, everything I see, all that I know, is from God. And because I know that God is always working for the greater good, I realize I may not see the glorious finale, but I see hints of glory every moment He allows me to. What He makes is always good.

Life is precious because He made us. The church is precious becasue He created it. Our faith is so precious because He gave it to us. These are my traditions as a Catholic, and as a child of God. All of us are important to Him, even the ones, big and small, that we don't see, those we don't know, or will ever get to know. His gifts are not a disease. To say so would make us all worthless, and in that thousand-plus page love letter, the Word of God, He says otherwise. He says otherwise!

This is my defense, and mine alone. Others are commanded to the front lines, others to stay behind to protect the home front, but no matter what your order from God, do it with faith, the greatest weapon we carry in our entire arsenal.

I defend the Catholic Church with all my faith as I say:

I believe in one God,
the Father almighty,
maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.

I belive in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the Only Begotten Son of God,
born of the Father before all ages.
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
consubstantial with the Father;
through Him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
He came down from heaven,
and by the Holy Spirit
was incarnate of the Virgin Mary,
and became man.
For our sake He was crucified under Pontius Pilate
He suffered death and was buried
and rose again on the third day
in accordance with the Scriptures.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory
to judge the living and the dead
and His kingdom will have no end.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets.

I believe in one, holy, Catholic and apostolic church.
I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins
and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead
and the life of the world to come.


God bless!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Will to Trust: A Small Anecdote from 2011

Written on August  27, 2011:

Dear God,

Where do I begin?

Hurricane Irene is on its way to NYC...

and so is my husband...

and I'm hoping, praying, that along that route to the city You keep him in safety...

and bring him back home to me...

if it be Your will.


I have to trust You right? I have to hunker down like one would during a storm and rely on You as one relies on the ground beneath their feet or their arms encircling their body. But today I have been creating hurricanes in my soul. I'm soaked from all the crying, seething and angry moments, doubled-over in pain moments and all these weather systems in my little heart making huge changes in this landscape. Weathering, erosion, low tide, high tide. All for something new. Right? Clear blue skies where the rays of sun remind us of signals from heaven and that it must be from God moment on our lips. I have to trust in You.

Wonder and Awe.
Fear of the Lord.

And as we drove to mass last Sunday, through a starless night, as I passed the bend I see God's work, the moon set high like an orange orb, huge, alarming, fascinating. I was scared of the moon, scared of things I didn't even know of, elements that so ever changing, so big next to my small self and yet, I couldn't take my eyes of the moon.

I truly thought that the end of earth was near.

And I said out loud, "What better place to be, then in Your house oh Lord."

I know...silly. I was scared of a big ole, floating satellite.
Fortunately, that's not my point.

I'm learning to trust You. I'm learning to trust in the God, in the One who wore human flesh, who, although scared, trusted His Father, suffered and died for me. I trust that even with nothing but my own soul hanging by a thread that I have a place, that I have been saved, that nothing else matters but His Face, His Name, His Love.

And when you love, when your heart is loving, when your soul knows love, all fear subsides. All fear, like demons run away from that Voice.

His authority.

How can I not trust a God who trusted in everything He knew was right, in a God, who continually puts His trust in me to do what I know to be right in my heart, even if I wasn't taught that way.

To trust God is to know Him, to know what He's done, what He continues to do. To trust God is to love Him with all your soul and all your might.

God bless!

In the Dark, When I Cannot See

A note to satan in prose:

I wake up each night to your loud knocking on my door.
desperate knocks,
open up, please let me in!
I wake up each night, afraid.

It is dark and I cannot see,

my curiosity almost getting the best of me,
as each knock, each plea, becomes louder and louder.

Every night is a struggle with you;

you know it is dark and I cannot see

you remind me of my hurt, my pain,
all those wounding moments.
What a tricky thing to do
to use my own fists to strike me
to use my own mind to fool me
my very own weaknesses to crush me.

you knows it is dark and I cannot see

Long ago, I feared
already lost
and so scared to lose myself even more.
and when you're lost you fear it all
scared that even love will eventually betray.
So in the night it is very easy to fear
not even hope gives much light.

But I laid there and waited in that dark that won't let you see

And in this gloom
where others moaned and cried out
where many souls were left, dying
walked a Man who's light can be seen for miles
it was enticing
my eyes were not used to it
squinting, each blink seeping in lights of hope.

Jesus knew it was dark and I could not see

It's hard to ignore
this quiet light.
It's hard to look away from it
it blinds you
and as I reached for something to grasp
instead I felt a hand
and It's power just lifted me up.

In the dark only He can see

Jesus sees for me
He hopes for me
and this hope that I'd see Him
even in that fearful dark
was that light that led me away from you.

you think because it is dark that I cannot see

you are right
in the dark I cannot see
my eyes, on them I can no longer rely
but my heart
it sensed He was near
it heard His very whisper
and my eyes have been closed ever since.

Who needs to see with His light within?

I trust this new light
I go wherever it leads me
wherever it needs me to be.
It's soft and inviting
It's loving and embracing.
It covers and protects.
He provides me with new life
new breath.
New freedom.

So like a master hunting down a runaway slave
you pound on my door every night
you call out my weaknesses
you sneak into my dreams
you shake me awake
you pound hard on my thoughts
you do everything it takes to make me hear you
feel you.

So this means I've gotten far enough to make you fear
to make you lose hope of ever controlling me
you know Who has my hands
you know Who's in my heart.

So satan
keep knocking
keep sending your attacks
your obnoxious thoughts
your silly temptations
it proves to me
that with all this you do to win me back
that not even your darkness assures you
that not even you can see.

He's always loved me, He always will,
more so in the dark when I cannot see.