I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
-Psalm 3:5
In this hard-hearted world I am soft and easily hurt. I admit, I am scared, for God has asked me to sacrifice something I didn't even think of, never would've dreamed of. With each tear drop falls a world of fear and worry. My mind is incapable of thinking and my heart is in shambles.
Jesus has handed me my cross.
So what else can I do but walk with Him.
I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I've talked the talk, I'm aware of what a good catholic should do. I'm surrounded by a cruel world that believes murdering the unborn is a good choice and immorality is funny and lucrative. I'm putting myself out to the world, with every letter I type, open, vulnerable; an easy target.
This is what Christ meant when He asked that we take up our cross. How painful it must've been to carry a cross that wasn't His own and yet, I am weak to carry my own.
My very own cross.
I need His help.
I am scared of what is coming. I am worried that I won't finish. I fear I won't provide, that I will let Him down.
He is giving me the opportunity to show my love.
"...do you love Me more than these?"
-John 21:15
I hear Him asking me in my heart. Do I love Him more than these?
My words are not like His. My response won't hold as much weight. He wants to see.
He deserves to see.
I deserve to see.
I don't even deserve to prove my love. I thought I disproved it enough when I was without Him, and now that I see Him, this small hint of Him has been enough to kill all that ailed me before.
Amazing.
"...do you love Me more than these?"
I'm walking this path now equipped with a cross to show Him that I do love Him, that He is all I need to finish the task. It's hard, I'm feeling it with each Hail Mary I say to ward off my attacker. No one said this was going to be easy.
I don't know what God has in store for me...
but I know what He has stored up for me...
and for that treasure I continue this journey.
In prayer and with love, God bless!
No comments:
Post a Comment