Thursday, March 10, 2011

Vulnerability: Lenten Walk Day 2

I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
-Psalm 3:5

In this hard-hearted world I am soft and easily hurt. I admit, I am scared, for God has asked me to sacrifice something I didn't even think of, never would've dreamed of. With each tear drop falls a world of fear and worry. My mind is incapable of thinking and my heart is in shambles.

Jesus has handed me my cross.

So what else can I do but walk with Him.

I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I've talked the talk, I'm aware of what a good catholic should do. I'm surrounded by a cruel world that believes murdering the unborn is a good choice and immorality is funny and lucrative. I'm putting myself out to the world, with every letter I type, open, vulnerable; an easy target.

This is what Christ meant when He asked that we take up our cross. How painful it must've been to carry a cross that wasn't His own and yet, I am weak to carry my own.

My very own cross.

I need His help.

I am scared of what is coming. I am worried that I won't finish. I fear I won't provide, that I will let Him down.

He is giving me the opportunity to show my love.

" you love Me more than these?"
-John 21:15

I hear Him asking me in my heart. Do I love Him more than these?

My words are not like His. My response won't hold as much weight. He wants to see.

He deserves to see.

I deserve to see.

I don't even deserve to prove my love. I thought I disproved it enough when I was without Him, and now that I see Him, this small hint of Him has been enough to kill all that ailed me before.


" you love Me more than these?"

I'm walking this path now equipped with a cross to show Him that I do love Him, that He is all I need to finish the task. It's hard, I'm feeling it with each Hail Mary I say to ward off my attacker. No one said this was going to be easy.

I don't know what God has in store for me...

but I know what He has stored up for me...

and for that treasure I continue this journey.

In prayer and with love, God bless!

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