Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Patiently Impatient

Patience is this long lost treasure in the wilderness that gets harder and harder to achieve the more I avoid the map and choose my own path.

Because, it seems that every few hours of the day, I am begging God to give me patience, to present me with opportunities to practice it. He gives me plenty of them, yet when I look at what I am up against, I cower in fear and laziness.

My days are filled with stressful moments. Whether it's a screeching two year old who still puts everything in her mouth, the one hundred and one things I'm responsible for throughout the day, etc, I can count on stress being the ever so present company I never invited yet came over unannounced. There are days when a missed school bus, or a forgotten pile of dishes in the sink drive me from 0 to 10 on the Richter Scale of my emotions. I forget that these are the gifts of opportunities that God is giving me to practice my patience, the very same gifts I beg for when I am faced with them simultaneously.

Does that make any sense?

The disciples didn't understand Jesus's opportunities and sometimes He spoke plainly to them because they just didn't get it. Well it seems I also just don't get it. I ask for something. God says, "Okay, here." Then I go nuts because it's not the way I asked for or now I don't want it any longer. I'm acting like the two year old who is currently driving me bananas with her tantrums.

Once the night is upon us and the girls are tucked in bed, I breathe a sigh of relief. The disorder has settled and a tranquil feeling is present. It is here, when I say Thank You God! But, how rewarding is peace and patience if it is only felt during times of calm and silence. I need to look for harmony in the noise and peace in the mayhem. In those loud moments, Jesus is tucked away, waiting for me to push through the chaos. It's marred with all sorts of distraction and sin, that narrow path, giving very little room to evade the temptations.

Jesus tells me, Give, and it will be given to you. If I give my troubles over to Jesus, then He will help solve them for me. If I hand over my anger, my fear, my sense of hopelessness, He will carry it all on His back. If I give Him my stressful moments, my 10's on the Richter Scale, He will help calm the storm. If I walk with Him believing more so than seeing, then I too will walk on water, hand in hand with Him.

No doubt this is difficult to do if you have no faith. Even with faith, we fall short of Him because we are broken. We tend to forget the whole and just go with our shattered pieces. We are incomplete, even in moments of fulfillment. We are not 100% well unless we are with Him and without Him, we will always continuously search for our personal buried treasures.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
—Psalm 40:1

Pray for me, as I am sometimes finding it very exasperating to breath each time I lose sight of my Lord.

God bless!

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