This I know because He is opening up curtains and doors slowly to reveal to me what I need to learn about myself and my faith.
He knows me. He knows I am broken and very fragile. He sees what's in my heart. He's heard me cry and He's seen my pain.
For days now I've been in a coma. I've been talking to God, listening to God, and just being with Him.
I feel like someone who has jumped through a window from high, shards of glass falling around me, stabbing me and embedding themselves in my skin, in my organs. I feel like I've hit the ground, crippled, distorted, unconscious, grasping for air, yet I am still alive. I feel Jesus's fingers slowly removing shards of glass, touching my bones to recovery, my joints into place. I feel His breath on my face as He whispers, "It'll all be okay. I am here." He's cautious with me, because He's seen what I just went through and He knows that the healing process takes time.
Jesus led me to my local parish. It's one of His infirmaries. Here He has introduced me to all the good people, His priests, sisters and parish members, like doctors, nurses and healing staff, so that they can help take care of me too. While I am receiving treatment, He allows me to interact with others, talk to them of my experiences and help them recover as well. In Church, He can keep a better eye on my recovery, continue to cure me in hopes that one day I can go home, to Heaven.
But the most important thing I'm beginning to realize is how loving His handling of me is. He's opened my eyes gradually to my salvation. He's taking me by the hand to where I need to go, x-rays (Confession), medicine (Penance) and best of all His mercy is profound. All I keep seeing is His smile.
This Lenten Season is truly a trial of suffering for me. But this is a good thing. Because I am so wounded and in need of Jesus I have no other choice but to give in. There were many times in the past when I was reluctant, however, now my heart is open and ready to be made better.
Because I am a sinner, I need Jesus to save me everyday. I need Him to stop me from jumping out that window again.
God bless!
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