Today I feel the weakest. I was tempted and I almost lost. I kept praying, kept begging for God, Jesus, Mary and all the angels and saints to intervene. I was this close to ruining a very good thing.Funny how the seventh Station of the Cross is when Jesus falls a second time. I too fell today, and it wasn't the first time since Lent began.
As you can imagine, it is very hard to bear that cross.
What's even funnier is that I messed with something I didn't think was a problem. I thought I knew the sacrifices I needed to make; the elements in my life that afflict me and bring me further from God. Seems like He really wants to clean me out. God is digging through things within me that I never thought were ever problems, that I didn't even recall.
One hour ago, I was still pleading, struggling with this cross and now, writing to you, I am laughing at how clever God is...and how much He loves me and wants me near. Nonetheless, I can't go to The Creator still dragging my cross. My hands will be occupied. How would I be able to run to Him and hug Him?
Now I'm beginning to understand why God allows for things in our life to happen. Not just the good stuff, but the bad seeds, the components that we struggle or have struggled with before; the instruments we've buried underneath our desire to be good for God.
I guess God doesn't want us to cover our sins. He wants us to expose them for what they are and face the conflict that brought us face to face with that offense. His method of healing is not to mask the ailment, but to cure it.
I've fallen, but instead of being dependent on the glory of the cross, I'm learning to see and feel its function. I'm beginning to see why we should carry the cross.
In our healing, we need to glorify the healer. Only then can we see the true healing power that comes with carrying our crosses to Calvary.
God bless!
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