I shouldn't look back any longer at all the things of the past, all the people who may have shaped my past decisions, not even me in the past. I am a different person today. Tomorrow I'll be different from today, and the next, and the next.
I no longer have an excuse to be who I was.
I remember the day I was released from the hospital after giving birth to Naya. As I was packing my things and getting all her little clothes and items together I began to unravel. I sat down because my mind was spinning and in that moment I realized that I am going home with another child to the same old me. The same old me, who still needed spiritual attention. So I cried and pleaded with the hospital staff that I couldn't go home.
Once again I had Post-partum depression. The only thing the doctors didn't realize is that I gave birth to this illness long before Naya and Liani were even thoughts in my mind. My post-partum started way before I even became an adult.
But today I am a woman who is on the road to recovery. I've let go of the past and all the unforgiving thorns that pricked me every now and then. I don't carry that weight anymore.
They are no longer my excuses to get close to Him.
They say Jesus chose imperfect people to be his disciples. Sinners, people who suffered family loss, men who obsessed over money, they were the type of people Jesus called to follow Him. Each and every one of us is imperfect and full of sin yet Jesus wants us more than anything, more than His own human life.
So my sins should no longer be an excuse to not follow Him.
"St. Jerome, so the story goes, once had a vision in which Christ spoke to him. 'There is something I want you to give me.' Jerome, who at the time was living in a cave in Bethlehem, replied in a rather hurt tone, 'I have given up everything for you. What can you possibly want from me?' 'Give me your sins," Christ said, "so that I may forgive them.'
-Msgr. William H. Shannon in Exploring the New Catechism: Sacraments of Healing. Reconciliation and Anointing
Forgiveness can get rid of the mess in our hearts that we've tried, without success, to forget.
Give those sins to Him so that nothing can hold you back; no longer will they be your excuse to feel loved again.
I love you all and God bless!