Saturday, March 26, 2011

Lorem Ipsum: Lenten Walk Day 16

Placeholder text.

As a book designer, I would use placeholder text in the book designs until the editors gave me the final manuscript. They were just words on a page to represent the real thing.

Lately, I feel my blog is very Lorem Ipsum, just dummy text, being a placeholder for what I really need to say. With the exception of a few posts, most feel empty, void of anything.

Just words.

Who am I trying to impress here? Am I losing focus? Am I here to learn or to teach?

In my heart, I am hungry to learn and God keeps telling me, in so many ways, to listen.

One of these days I'm gonna hear a booming "SHUT UP!" from the heavens above.

I'm going to be honest...I know nothing. I'm slowly learning, slowly recovering, but I don't know enough. I need to know more. I need to listen more. How does one shut off oneself? How do I mentally keep quiet so that I can hear what He's trying to tell me.

Lorem Ipsum.

In the design world, these are just words, dummy text. But for Cisero, these words carried meaning. Lorem Ipsum is originally taken from his book De Finibus Bonorum et Malorum (On the Boundaries of Goods and Evils).

Translation: There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain.

That's true. For someone who' s lived in pain for a many years, the search is not to feel more pain, but to substitute it for less pain or numbness. For me, the search for no pain was not a reality.

I once cut the cornea in my left eye (by mistake) and was told by the doctor that the eyes have a unique memory; that some mornings I would wake up with the pain as if I just cut myself again. Today, I still feel the twinges and stings of pain from the past. I guess it doesn't hurt as much as it did before.

I guess what I'm saying here is that for those that think I am in this heavenly place of church and Jesus-loving state, well, I am, but I'm very much a newbie and I am still very much under construction. Probably won't be done until I breath my last breath.

Nonetheless, I like where I am now. Some people find it weird. Some of you are wondering what got into me. Some of you will probably say, I saw this one coming.

I don't care what you think.

I just pray you find yourselves here too. Then you'll see why I'm Lorem Ipsum-ing all over this blog.

Oh yea, and God loves you!

God bless!

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