Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I cut my thumb today. I was cutting carrots for dinner and I sliced my thumb. There was blood but no pain. It should have hurt but it didn't...

because there was a greater pain in my heart.

My husband asked me what was wrong. "Talk to me," he says. So I tell him what's going on in my community, but he cuts me off and says "Don't get involved honey."

He was only trying to help.

But that didn't help.

It made me even more determined, because that is the exact attitude people take when something bad happens. Don't get involved. Pretend like nothing has happened.

But I can't do that. Even if I tried, I'd still feel affected. I can't turn away. It's not in my DNA.

Jesse told me once that as an MTA employer is not obligated to help someone in a wheelchair or handicap flee if there is a fire in the tracks. They are to tell them that help is on the way, and hope that what they say will happen. But they are REQUIRED not to go back.


What, as human beings are we required to do? What, as God's children are we supposed to do. Jesus tells us to love they neighbor and pray for your enemies.

Jesus, that's hard.

I'm at a lost. Our community is suffering. Our youth thinks it's better to face death than to face life. We've already lost two. How many more are we going to let go before we feel REQUIRED to do something.

Jared Loughner was a lost soul. He decided to take his life in a different robbing the lives of others. This was an active defiance against God's commandments.

So when we keep silent, when we do nothing, when we behave as if we don't care, is that too a defiant act against God?

What can I do to help? I've been asking God this question all night and all day. So many teens are lost in the dark and I can't sit here, hands tied.

I can pray, I know that. I will pray for their souls, for their families and for my community.

I can stay with God. I know that too. That will never change. Never.

But what can I do for them? What will Jesus allow me to do to help?

I need an answer real bad because I feel so lost. I'm not turning back to pretend like nothing is wrong. This affects me. It affects you. It affects all of us.

"...not as I will but as Thou wilt."

God bless you more than ever!

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