Sunday, May 15, 2011

On Dealing With the Difficult

I drove away to church with tears in my eyes, struggling in my heart with what I wanted to say versus what I should do and it stung like a held back cry. Inside I was boiling, ready to defend myself, but I listened again to the second reading and I realize how necessary it is to just obey. And Peter, calling me beloved, asks me to be patient, suffer, bear insult, hand myself over, and remember. Recall His suffering, His self-deliverance. And as I pick the wounds of such insults, always self-destructive, I try to think of how loving this doesn't feel for me; when can I be redeemed?

Must we always wait for heaven to feel a piece of its essence?

I remember Miss Celie's wisdom cut down by Miss Sophia's words in the movie The Color Purple,

MISS CELIE: This life be over soon. Heaven lasts always.

MISS SOPHIA: Girl, you oughta bash Mister’s head open and think about heaven later!

...and I know who's right but how tempting to just show those difficult folks how you really feel. For one small moment of retaliation, become like them. Lack control and act with no love. I'm not sure if I signed up for the right gig here.

But as Miss Celie says, "Heaven lasts always"...and so does hell. If I had to chose, I'd rather feel a day's worth of pain than an eternity's worth of suffering in agony.

My goal? To go home, but first, God has given me a job here. My job description lies in the good book, all the instructions I need to warrant an eternity with Him.

I could sit here and think of many things I would love to say, do, but I can't. I know what I want and it means so much more to me than telling those that hurt me just how hurt I feel. Those cuts inflicted have been healed before appearing and I count on that love more than my own life.

God bless!

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