Wednesday, May 4, 2011

New Beginnings

When JM and I first met we were very broken. Our hearts were beating furiously to survive and we both carried battle wounds that would scare any potential suitors away. He had just gone through a bad break-up, and although I was dating someone, I was struggling with my worst bout of depression. We quickly became friends, unaware of what God planned for us and in time, I had ended my previous relationship to heal and make room for a newer me.
JM and I started dating still in the midst of inner hurt, but with the little bits and pieces our hearts had become, we were, unbeknownst to one another, determined to pull each other out of our respective miseries. We each saw the diamond buried in the rough in each other. It had been a long time since we felt like digging but we knew there was something here, something different, something new.
It was hard, our beginning. The devil loves to play tug-of-war when he sees people tapping into their strength's and not succumbing to their pain. He likes to watch us in anguish, doubled over like an eternal stomachache, not mustering up courage and filling ourselves up with hope and love. JM and I were tugged constantly, sure yet unsure, ready, but not totally ready. We were still afraid of the new and still attracted to the safe, aware of how damaging it was to our hearts, but sometimes what seems safe is not always right. God wants us to trust Him. We don't know what lies ahead, but He does. He knows it all.
Eventually, JM and I trusted, went into the unknown, hand in hand. There were moments of darkness, moments of great joy, trying times, residual pain from the past, but we saw through it, knowing that at the end of the darkness is a light.
And that light is Jesus.
Our accomplishments together have been wondrous, thanks be to God. We have three beautiful children. We are each other's best friends. We know how much we need one another and how secure we feel together. We've gotten married with God's blessings, developed friendships and have seen our own relationship grow as the years go by, but our greatest accomplishment has been finding God together, being able to pray together, holding each other's hand at Mass, receiving the Eucharist together. We are becoming a vessel for God, so that He can work through us.
As JM and I, in the photo above, look towards the lake, into the darkness of the gathering trees ahead, we know that the unknown is still ahead of us, but that is what new beginnings are. They are the events life will present. It is up to us to choose whether we will look within ourselves, reverting back to the old ways that never worked, or look to Jesus together. We can lose ourselves and one another in the process if we pick the old way of doing things, but only with Him can we get out of the darkness and walk into another one with a certainty of the outcome...

His love for us.
And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34
Thank you God for bringing JM into my life, for giving him the strength to lick my wounds as he licked his own. Thank you God for the man that helped me become the woman that I am today. With You, Lord, we have brought forth children and have generated a family that walks with You everyday. You are the foundation we've chosen to build our home upon because in You we trust. Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
God bless!

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