First off, let me start by saying that I love you immensely, and it is because of this love that I write this to you.
I feel that my responsibility as a mom is to be as loving and honest as possible. Sometimes parents find reasons to tell untruths to keep our children happy, to prevent from hurting them in any way, but it is done out of love.
I want you to know something about me. I am not perfect. Although I am constantly telling you how to be a better person, showing you how to be what I consider happy and normal, I myself need a lot of help and lecturing. Yes, as an adult, I too don't have it together.
As you know I am very messy. It is why I get so upset at your messiness. I don't want you to inherit that from me. I wish I was neater, but, I'm not, yet I expect you to be. Not good.
I also sometimes make promises that I know I won't be able to keep. I wish I had a better handle on time management, on my responsibilities, but I don't and yet I expect you to get your act together when it comes to school and homework. Not good.
Mommy is lazy. Sometimes I have a spurt of energy and desire to get things done, most times I'm lethargic. I get upset when you try and take the easy way out, yet I watch myself do the very same thing. Not good.
There are things that mommy does that perhaps you are still too young to even think of doing. I gossip, which is awful because I hurt people that I say I love and care for with words that way. I am full of pride and I love getting the glory, knowing, thinking I am or should be the star. I have a temper that isn't set off by much. I am not very thankful sometimes. Many times I say things that are wrong, not nice, judgemental. There are times where I think of something bad happening to someone just because they hurt me. I have so many faults, so many sins. Mommy is not a perfect person.
I'm just a weak sinner who needs Jesus. This is why I go to church, why I pray to Mary, why I read about the Saints. I need Jesus to help me get better. And every time I get a little better, I turn to Him with a thankful heart. You know, Jesus said that He came for the sick, for the poor in spirit. He came to lift us up, to take us out of our slavery to sin. He came to heal my heart and increase my faith. He forgives me because He loves me and knows that I will probably sin again. But when I go back to Him, head and heart hung low, He forgives me again. I go to Mary because I want to be like her. She loved Jesus best. I go to her so she can help me, show me how, because moms know how to show their kids to be better. And the Saints are people like you and me, struggling to do better, many times falling, but getting up to try and love Jesus and our neighbor better with each rising. It's not about their faults, but about how they know Jesus loves them in spite of their shortcomings, and their persistence in always doing better next time. They weren't perfect either, like most people think. On the contrary, we can relate to their imperfections and ask them to pray for us to improve.
I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I mess up a lot and not just with you but with lots of people. Each day I pray that I do better as a mom and as a person. I want you to know that you don't need to be perfect. But always strive to be better, more loving to God and His people. (Everyone is a son and daughter of God, whether they acknowledge that or not, whatever their sins are. We are called to love, forgive and not seek revenge. ) And always lean on Christ for help with everything. Because sometimes we think we know and we don't know a thing. But He knows everything and He loves us anyway.
Love you to pieces my baby girl,