It's been a while since I've actually closed my eyes. I've been on a mission to keep all my five senses turned on so that I won't miss a thing. It's quite humbling, this use of all five senses. It reminds me of how much of this world I miss in a blink of an eye.
But sometimes, even if you think you're watching the scene, you still have not become a witness to it. I find that I look, but I have not learned to see.
Lately, Mother Teresa has been in my mind. I met someone yesterday who said he met the Blessed Mother Teresa face to face and her eyes...it took him a minute to describe her eyes...he says they were filled with the Holy Spirit.
How could she have been any other way, if not completely filled with the Holy Spirit?
I wondered if when people look at me do they see the Holy Spirit? Do they see Him before they see me? Do they see Him in me?
Is it wrong to say that I wish they would?
The Holy Spirit beckons me to see. It beckons us all to see. It wills us to believe, to follow, to become faith. It tugs on our hearts every time we're just looking.
Like that child's game, where you cover ones eyes and say, "Guess who?"
The Holy Spirit is closing my eyes so that I can learn to see with my heart.
Ask me about the day I gave birth to my first child. Ask me about how when I felt the pains how my excitement grew. Ask me about the emptying that turned into immense and unspeakable joy. Ask me if I remember details, how my child's fingers trembled, how her mouth opened and closed as if trying to say "Hello there." Ask me how warm her small body was when I held it against my shaken body, how when I looked into her eyes...all I can think of, now, ...is the Holy Spirit.
I've taken on a different sacrament, one that is not included in the Holy Seven, but is an absolute gift from God. God has placed me on a different mission. If I look with my heart everyone becomes Jesus, including my own family, including me. I'm not God. No one but God is God, but everyone He's made carries His Spirit, the Holy Spirit within them. I can start out Mother Teresa's mission starting with those that started in my own womb. Starting with the ones that are here today, and the ones that are not. My starting mission is to be the best mother He asks me to be, the best wife I can be to my husband, gifts from God, to be the sister, the best daughter, the best friend, neighbor, cousin, employer, customer, stranger I can be. I have to start from somewhere.
So I'll start from within. I've got to learn to see.
Mother Teresa was filled with the Holy Spirit. She saw Jesus in everyone she met. She became the best Mother Teresa God called her to be. Her beauty from within was what she gave back to the world. She gave what she had become, LOVE. Mother Teresa was what love looks like if we had to describe it to someone else and when she looked at all the people she met, encountered, she saw Jesus. It was all she could see.
As I type out this passage, Jesus is asking me where did I put His laundry, Jesus is singing, at the top of His lungs, "I'm a Little Teapot," Jesus is clicking away on a video game and Jesus keeps moving my arm with His small hands so that He can lay His head on my lap.
If I open my eyes I'll see my husband, see my kids, but if I close my eyes and open my heart...
"Guess who Ivy?"
Jesus! It's You!