Such a small word. It's deceiving this word, small, one syllable. So easy to pronounce.
Kind of as small as that mustard seed.
But it yields, this small word. It can grow big but only if we tend to it.
In the low humming of the everyday, in the blaring alarm clock, the clicking start of the stove, the push, push, push to make it on time for the bus, the beep of the microwave, the sip of the coffee, the prep of the lunch and dinner menu, the light of the laptop, the watering of the plants, the bills and checkbook balancing, the sweeping, moping, washing and folding, the grocery lists, the hard attempts to establish nap time, the homework and afternoon snacks, the cooking, the feeding, bathing, the nightly stories and nighttime Amens, I aimlessly perform with this little grain of faith and, in the pauses between the commas of my day, I talk with Him.
Nothing special. Just talk, complain, praise, plead. Something. And those words, whispers, mind words, eyes-closed visions, can water my faith abundantly.
A small mustard seed with just a few drops of water.
I love You God!
And yesterday, at Mass, I stared at You on that cross, exposing all this love for me, and I waited for my turn to take in Your love, wondering how much so many of us take the Eucharist for granted. So I asked You to please help this grain of faith in me grow and in that instant my heart swelled, squeezing tears out of my eyes and I became impatient, although the homily was about how good it was to wait.
But I couldn't wait to have You, just as You have me. It takes a lot of faith to believe, truly believe, in what the Eucharist represents and I wanted to feel that belief so bad yesterday. I wanted to approach Your table and heartily receive that small piece of you and oh how the heart can burst just to even think about how that bread has become You. All promises from Your lips in that bread, all promises making my heart leap and my soul flourish. It is such a quick moment that can sustain You for life.
And as we talked to the Youth about the end of the world, for the first time I felt a slight joy at actually being able to die in this skin so that I may, as Paul so beautifully puts it, put on Love. I may actually sit with You, look at Your beautiful face, breath in all that is You and hear Your voice. This feeling is truly amazing and shocking but it is what it is.
I know I am not worthy of all Your promises Lord...but I thank You for allowing me to try and try again.
Thank You loving Father for:
183. the Eucharist
184. The Holy Spirit and how it dwells in us all
185. Your promises
186. the way You make the impossible possible
187. how we all can fall to our knees time and time again
188. Your love
189. this beautiful world You made for us
190. the ability to talk with You whenever, wherever
191. how You come through
192. Your presence in others
193. the people who encourage and inspire me
194. watching Your gifts grow
195. the ability to cultivate
196. the hands I use
197. and my mouth
198. for listening to me lovingly
199. the wind that makes trees dance
200. watching deer play
202. the differences
203. the moments of suffering
204. a past that I can use now for good
It's amazing how wonderful God is, and everyday I learn, feel, see something new. Faith, prayer, forgiveness, thanksgiving and love; these are the ingredients that can create unending JOY.